Ho!

So yet another new year. I don't mind time passing by so fast. I just the fact that it means I'm growing older by the day - year.
First things first, the Holidays were as magical as always. This time managed to get enough time off and spent it with my ever loving, ever growing family. The 2 new additions bring a smile to my face. They remind me of the good old days (long gone), when nothing mattered but a roof over my head, a full tummy, and a book in hand. Life was so uncomplicated then, of course I tried hard to complicate it. Oh how I wish I had enjoyed my youth.
So the new year is here. This year I refuse to let past mistakes define me.
It's 2011, look forward to a lot of changes and positive updates from this here girl bloggie.

I'm Back!!!

Yeah, I'm BAAACCCK!
An no, not just on the blog (though I had totally missed you bloggie). Just had a number of things to sort out in my life.
So, what's new... so much has happened, not sure where to start. 2010 has sucked so far, so many tears, a bit of laughter, love lost, love acquired, in short life has carried on as normal as always.

loneliness

I've probably written this before. At least the title.. Story of my life. Long distance relationships do suck. It sucks more when you wake up on a chilly Sunday morning and you realize that it's Valentine's day. I'm not sure I understand all the hype around this day. All i know is that I grew up knowing it's a special day, a day you are meant to spend with the person(s) you love and show them how much you appreciate them. So this Valentine's day, I was lucky enough to wake up in my home town, in my old room. I would have loved to have my mom around today. Cos that's one person I never appreciated enough. There's so much I could do differently if I was given a second chance. I know I was far from the perfect daughter, caused her unbearable pain during our little time together. I like to believe she hears my thoughts somehow. Cos only she can know all I have to say.
To some extent, I think my love for my dad has a lot to do with the loss of mom.. If that makes any sense. But with or without mom, I am glad I got to learn how amazing a man that guy is. And whoever said girls marry their fathers must have met him. Cos I know I won't be settling for anything less.
I know I'm writing all over the place, I've never been good with organized thoughts. But guess in short, all I am trying to do is appreciate the people who mean the world to me. My family (which is falling apart-a story for another day), my best friend (who with every passing day we drift further), my man (who has the ability to make me stop thinking), my girls (who I get to see like 3times a year) and my imaginary pet. As I said, loneliness )-:

:(

I am starting to feel like I can't maintain the facade any longer, that I may just start to show through.
And I wish I knew what was wrong. Maybe something about how stupid my whole life is.
I don't know. Why does the rest of the world put up with the hypocrisy, the need to put a happy face on sorrow, the need to keep on keeping on?... I don't know the answer, I know only that I can't.
I don't want any more vicissitudes, I don't want any more of this try, try again stuff.
I just want out.
I've had it.
I am so tired.
I am 27 and I am already exhausted.

Sigh

Hey,
And another Monday is here. Days sure are flying by! Sad thing is I haven't been up to much. . . Work, home, work, home, work play. Not enough play if you ask me bloggie. I need to work on widening my horizons and my networks. At the moment, the most I do with my life is wake up, have some coffee, get ready for work, walk under that excruciating sunshine, get to my meager paying job and listen to stupid, senseless calls for the rest of the afternoon and half the night. It's a very tiring and un-challenging life. :(
When I happen to be off, I will spend half of that time vegging out in front of the telly. When I do get lucky enough to get a visitor, we will drink ourselves stupid, end up in a bar somewhere in town and dance the night away. By the time I'm awake and rested vizuri, it's Sunday.. time to go back to work. I hate my life! My friends don't care about hanging out with me anymore, and the few who care, I cancel on them. Sigh.
I need to start making wiser, sounder and sober-er decisions. Decisions that will help my life in the long run. Cos it looks like I'm in this alone :( XoXoXo

Nazoea

Hey Bloggie,
It's so cool having you to fall back on. Am still sad :( So so sad. I simply don't know what to do. The last time I went through a tough break up was with J, and that was years go!
And I suppose that didn't hurt as much as it should have cos we stayed 'FUBU's for a while... Or maybe it hurt more, cos I dragged on the pain all through the FUBU crap? :(
Things at work are almost calming down, the thing is, that bad feeling is still there. You know that feeling of impending doom? Yeah. As if what we just experienced was a tip off the ice berg. And when the impending doom does come by, I know it's gonna suck SO SO much.
I wish I could just figure out what I wanted to do with my life and get the hell out of this country already.. Before my brothers marry and have no more money for me:(

Our Song

OUR SONG

Somewhere we went wrong
What we had was strong,
Our love was like a song.
But you refused to sing along.
Now this is where we stand.
Tell me, do you regret holding my hand?
All our memories have been burned
Our past is just another lesson learned
I really Thought we had it all
And I was just about to fall
so much harder than ever for you.
But I let you go when I said 'I love you'
You didn't say it back, At least you didn't lie.
But just realizing the truth made me cry
Because too many times truth hurts.
But don't lie, it'll only make things worse