Lost

Yes Bloggie, lost describes what I have been feeling for quite some time now.
Lost... my future, my boyfriend, my job, my education.
I simply can't seem to make up my mind on what it is I want to be doing in the next 4days, lets not talk about the next 5 years. I'm thinking of where I will start, I suppose my love life is always fun topic...
So everything was rosy and perfect when he was about to leave. We had all these big, major plans for our future, babies, money, forever. 11 months down the line it's starting to feel like we are letting go off those dreams. 11 months down the line it feels like we were simply a couple of naive teenagers, living in a bubble.
I guess we're both to blame. I just hate the path our relationship is taking and I feel helpless. After XJ i swore I would never let a man define who I am. I thought I had learned my lessons from that wreck of a relationship, but maybe I was wrong :(.
And as much as I would think of letting go I simply can't do it, cos I'm still hopelessly in love with the fool.
I know... you're probably thinking, how can she still love someone she probably doesn't know any more? People change and stuff.
And yes I KNOW people change, I am definitely not the same person I was one year ago and I'd be a fool to think that he's still the man I fell in love with.
But if true love isn't forever then what the fuck is??
If you can't believe in your love and have that strong love overcome oceans and time and thousands of miles and cold, sleepless nights then what the fuck are we supposed to believe in?
I feel like I have seen and been through too much in my previous relationships and deserve a break.
I felt like this man was finally my long overdue break.
But maybe nothing really does last forever.
Maybe true love only exists on love songs and Cinderella stories.
Maybe I really do need to stop living in the bubble I've been living in.....???
XoXo