I am starting to feel like I can't maintain the facade any longer, that I may just start to show through.
And I wish I knew what was wrong. Maybe something about how stupid my whole life is.
I don't know. Why does the rest of the world put up with the hypocrisy, the need to put a happy face on sorrow, the need to keep on keeping on?... I don't know the answer, I know only that I can't.
I don't want any more vicissitudes, I don't want any more of this try, try again stuff.
I just want out.
I've had it.
I am so tired.
I am 27 and I am already exhausted.
Monday, September 28, 2009
Sigh
Hey,
And another Monday is here. Days sure are flying by! Sad thing is I haven't been up to much. . . Work, home, work, home, work play. Not enough play if you ask me bloggie. I need to work on widening my horizons and my networks. At the moment, the most I do with my life is wake up, have some coffee, get ready for work, walk under that excruciating sunshine, get to my meager paying job and listen to stupid, senseless calls for the rest of the afternoon and half the night. It's a very tiring and un-challenging life. :(
When I happen to be off, I will spend half of that time vegging out in front of the telly. When I do get lucky enough to get a visitor, we will drink ourselves stupid, end up in a bar somewhere in town and dance the night away. By the time I'm awake and rested vizuri, it's Sunday.. time to go back to work. I hate my life! My friends don't care about hanging out with me anymore, and the few who care, I cancel on them. Sigh.
I need to start making wiser, sounder and sober-er decisions. Decisions that will help my life in the long run. Cos it looks like I'm in this alone :( XoXoXo
And another Monday is here. Days sure are flying by! Sad thing is I haven't been up to much. . . Work, home, work, home, work play. Not enough play if you ask me bloggie. I need to work on widening my horizons and my networks. At the moment, the most I do with my life is wake up, have some coffee, get ready for work, walk under that excruciating sunshine, get to my meager paying job and listen to stupid, senseless calls for the rest of the afternoon and half the night. It's a very tiring and un-challenging life. :(
When I happen to be off, I will spend half of that time vegging out in front of the telly. When I do get lucky enough to get a visitor, we will drink ourselves stupid, end up in a bar somewhere in town and dance the night away. By the time I'm awake and rested vizuri, it's Sunday.. time to go back to work. I hate my life! My friends don't care about hanging out with me anymore, and the few who care, I cancel on them. Sigh.
I need to start making wiser, sounder and sober-er decisions. Decisions that will help my life in the long run. Cos it looks like I'm in this alone :( XoXoXo
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
Nazoea
Hey Bloggie,
It's so cool having you to fall back on. Am still sad :( So so sad. I simply don't know what to do. The last time I went through a tough break up was with J, and that was years go!
And I suppose that didn't hurt as much as it should have cos we stayed 'FUBU's for a while... Or maybe it hurt more, cos I dragged on the pain all through the FUBU crap? :(
Things at work are almost calming down, the thing is, that bad feeling is still there. You know that feeling of impending doom? Yeah. As if what we just experienced was a tip off the ice berg. And when the impending doom does come by, I know it's gonna suck SO SO much.
I wish I could just figure out what I wanted to do with my life and get the hell out of this country already.. Before my brothers marry and have no more money for me:(
It's so cool having you to fall back on. Am still sad :( So so sad. I simply don't know what to do. The last time I went through a tough break up was with J, and that was years go!
And I suppose that didn't hurt as much as it should have cos we stayed 'FUBU's for a while... Or maybe it hurt more, cos I dragged on the pain all through the FUBU crap? :(
Things at work are almost calming down, the thing is, that bad feeling is still there. You know that feeling of impending doom? Yeah. As if what we just experienced was a tip off the ice berg. And when the impending doom does come by, I know it's gonna suck SO SO much.
I wish I could just figure out what I wanted to do with my life and get the hell out of this country already.. Before my brothers marry and have no more money for me:(
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
Our Song
OUR SONG
Somewhere we went wrong
What we had was strong,
Our love was like a song.
But you refused to sing along.
Now this is where we stand.
Tell me, do you regret holding my hand?
All our memories have been burned
Our past is just another lesson learned
I really Thought we had it all
And I was just about to fall
so much harder than ever for you.
But I let you go when I said 'I love you'
You didn't say it back, At least you didn't lie.
But just realizing the truth made me cry
Because too many times truth hurts.
But don't lie, it'll only make things worse
Monday, September 14, 2009
Through
So it has been a really trying time for guys at work. Jobs were on the line, some of them still are actually. . And it sucks big time cos my girl is one of the affected ones :( She and all the others have worked SO hard and it sux seeing them go through this... But we can always hope for the best.
These are the times u need somebody to reassure you, somebody to tell u everything is going to be OK. I tried looking for that too, in my good old boy fried. And you know what? I give up. I so FUCKING give up. It's better to be man-less than to go through this bull shit I'm going through. I did so much for that nigger but the moment he took that forsaken plane to Greece, he forgot all the shit. So Bottom line, it's time I forget everything about him and start focusing on my future. … And to think I was ready to go to that hopeless place, throw away my years of hard-work in school and at work and become a frigging mboch?!. No thank you.
On other news... I can't get over my new crush X) You know, the tall, dark handsome one? Yeah. And up to a few days ago I was under the impression that he was too young for me. He's simply perfect and would make my break up so much easier to handle :-P.. Worth a thought, definitely worth a thought :)
These are the times u need somebody to reassure you, somebody to tell u everything is going to be OK. I tried looking for that too, in my good old boy fried. And you know what? I give up. I so FUCKING give up. It's better to be man-less than to go through this bull shit I'm going through. I did so much for that nigger but the moment he took that forsaken plane to Greece, he forgot all the shit. So Bottom line, it's time I forget everything about him and start focusing on my future. … And to think I was ready to go to that hopeless place, throw away my years of hard-work in school and at work and become a frigging mboch?!. No thank you.
On other news... I can't get over my new crush X) You know, the tall, dark handsome one? Yeah. And up to a few days ago I was under the impression that he was too young for me. He's simply perfect and would make my break up so much easier to handle :-P.. Worth a thought, definitely worth a thought :)
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